If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all

A preface: The beginning line of a Valentine to my friend’s student’s mom:

“Mom you are not beautiful but I love you”

In Thailand the “Thumper of Bambi” quote that is ingrained in our culture is non-existent. Westerners try their best to adhere to the age-old quote of “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all”. In Thailand their culture is very different. Saying something that we find rude or offensive is not a cultural taboo whatsoever.

Calling people fat here is like stating a fact. I first learned this by hearing our Thai friends talk about their obese friend by saying “he fat, he like to eat food” in a matter of fact tone. It hurts overweight foreign teacher’s feelings to be called fat by their student’s parents or even their students. I recently learned about Thai-Californian pen-pals at Andrew’s school. The pen-pals send letters and pictures to each other. The Thai boy started his reply letter to an American girl by saying “you are beautiful but you need to diet”. Can you imagine? I hope he does not send that letter. It would be very hurtful to a 13-year-old American teenager but a Thai teenager sees it as fact, he doesn’t see the harm he could cause.

I’m not sure why their culture is like this. I do see many more overweight people in the younger generations so maybe because it’s a new thing, so it’s not yet a cultural taboo. It could be that they are generally concerned about the fat person’s health. Or maybe it just shows another one of the many differences between Eastern and Western cultures. A difference I cannot explain or try to understand because I have only been in Asia for a short time. I am just stating what I have witnessed and discussed. If someone knows why, let me know. 

Back to my beginning quote, my friend told her student that wasn’t a good thing to say to her mom on Valentine’s Day. Her student replied by saying “but if I said she was beautiful I’d be lying”.  I have not seen her mother but I agree you should not lie. You should find something nice to comment on. However, I worry, has our “Thumper of Bambi” mentality turned into lying to each other to make each other feel good? The honesty here could be a beautiful thing.